Carima Neusser

» (We Are) Made of Star Stuff

(We Are) Made of Star Stuff is a dance performance by choreographer Carima Neusser and Sanna Söderholm. Light design by Thomas Zamolo. It investigates the notion of disappearance and the subjects relation to the self in life and on stage.

 

A personal recollection about the moments before the premiere of (We Are) Made of Star Stuff

I move back and forth in the hallway. I’m going in and out of my dressing room. Standing in front of the mirror, pulling over the silvery fabric over my face. This is it. The conversations I’ve had about disappearing, not being there and the preparations I have undertaken have felt different to the feeling right now. Now I know that I actually sacrifice something. I am giving something up in order to gain something else. It is the resistance within me that makes me understand that something important is taking place. This is what I investigated from the start. It is hard work. Open-ended research.

I start to think about how I am standing on stage. I will do my utmost not to shine (which is what stars do.) I know I will be the one who will not be seen. I even make it my task not to be seen and still to exist. I am struggling. But now I have made my mind up, this strategy is more meaningful. My thoughts spin. I am still observing myself from the outside, but through the eyes of the woman beside me. I am still here. Present. I take a few deep breaths. Aware of my own struggle that takes place within me.

I leave the dressing room. In the communal room next door there is fruit and water on the table, put there for us, the performers. It is soon time. I look at the floor through the silvery cloth over the face. Now, I will go up there and not be there – I will disappear. I will do the opposite to what my instinct tells me to. Perform. No, I will accept the fact that it is over. I am the end. Over. I reconcile with the idea that I will be a dancing body without subject in this work.

I choose to be in the relationship between my movements and the thoughts that pass through me in the moment. I am movement in relation to the music. I feel that I am being observed, but I try to get away from a show into something else. I am detatched from what I do and at the same time I am the exact opposite; in direct contact with what I do – with what I am.